Vatican announces special measures against Zika virus

Pope promotes holy condomsPope promotes holy condoms

The major outbreak of the new Zika virus is causing panic among the Latin American population and travellers around the world. While scientists still struggle to find a solution to this threat and contain the epidemic, the Catholic Church has already responded with some extraordinary measures.

Pope Francis announced this year that Christians are now exceptionally allowed to use condoms to protect themselves from the Zika virus.

Go forth and use condoms to protect yourselves against the vile mosquitoes. Once this is over, we can all enjoy unprotected sex again!

However, it was emphasized that the use of condoms is only endorsed for the protection from the Zika virus – not AIDS or other diseases.

To support its devout Christian community in these times of need, the Catholic Church has started selling specially blessed condoms, for the first time collaborating with Durex and Fun Factory. The new series of Vatican-approved condoms “Durex tropical fever” are available in five exciting flavours. ‘Kinky kiwi’ and ‘Cheeky cherry’ seem to be the public favorites.

Vatican’s change of stance towards the use of condoms seems like a big step forward from its total ban of contraception. Some hope that this may mean an overall softening of the Church’s position on this issue. However, internal sources claim that the only reason the use of condoms has been condoned now is to avoid birthing ugly children. Priests across the globe have unilaterally agreed that nobody wants to see children with abnormally small heads in their parish.

Whatever the reason, the Christian community is relieved that this protective measure has been made available. The World Health Organization is also hoping that the recommended use of condoms in the southern States of the USA will help bring down the teenage pregnancy rates and halt inbreeding.