United States cedes its training of mythical Syrian rebels

Based on the latest statement from US officials, Pentagon has made the tough decision to finally abandon its training programme of Syrian rebels as the results were far from satisfactory. Particular reasons were not disclosed, but it has been mentioned that even ‘training unicorns would have been more effective’.

The programme budget has been on the low side with its 500 million USD, and Pentagon continued funding it in the hopes of increasing the number of trained rebels to at least two – despite confirmed reports that most trainees were in fact ISIS terrorists.

Sceptical voices from the Congress have long been expressing doubt in the existence of Syrian rebels, on a par with unicorns. John McCain, US Senator from Arizona, has viciously criticised the training programme in his statements:

America should stop spending taxpayers’ money on nonsense! Syrian rebels are a figment of imagination, and training them is about as productive as attempting to breed dragons or ride dinosaurs.

His message was taken to heart: two additional Pentagon programmes aimed to find dragon eggs and clone dinosaurs have now had to be shut down as well.