After several consecutive failed rocket launches to the International Space Station, the Russian government has decided to review its space race strategies.
As announced today by Dimitry Rogozin, vice prime minister of the Russian Federation, all rockets starting to the International Space Station will from now on be manned.
We are working on a new manned rocket Belka rev._new_FINAL.rkt, which will be piloted by two West Siberian Laikas.
The concept of piloted rockets is nothing new: the Soviet Union had already launched several rockets with dogs, mice and lizards into space. It has been scientifically confirmed that dogs are more able pilots than any current Russian cosmonauts. Statistically, every second Russian rocket sent to space is a waste of time and money.
Our experts have analyzed the images of the new Russian rockets. It seems that these will be based on a ballistic rocket, capable of carrying nuclear charges. In fact, the rocket itself will still be carrying a nuclear charge, since dismantling it would be too cost-ineffective.
Outdated old-generation Progress-M rockets will continue to be used as fireworks. The Russian space agency plans to organise firework events, offering special deals with different rocket contents. The product line will range from cheap entry-level Glonass GPS satellites to heavy-duty European meteorological satellites. The next ten launches of Progress-M fireworks rockets are already sold out.
The spokesman from the space agency could not disclose all details but noted that customers favour exploding Glonass GPS satellites over their European competitors. The Russian market leader features a distinctive radiating green color, which Europeans have not yet managed to replicate.