President Obama on the look-out for a retirement home

Obama meets Bill Clinton

The president of the United States seems to be planning ahead and is already looking for a peaceful place to retire. By January 2017, he and his family will have to vacate the White House and return to ‘normal’ life.

Currently, there are not many viable options available, with only one established presidential home for the elderly. Located in Texas, it so far houses four former presidents of the United States: Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, George H. W. Bush and George W. Bush, along with their families. News of Obama visiting the place now gave rise to speculations that he, too, intends to call it his new home.

The living conditions in the presidential retirement home are state-of-the-art. The house has been built to look just as the real White House, although of rather modest dimensions. The management of the home has shared some details about the daily routine in the mansion:

They just love to be called ‘presidents’ – we call them ‘residents’; most of them are hard of hearing anyway. Although everyone knows that they have no say in anything, they still want to feel involved, so we are trying to keep them busy with customised schedules.

Every morning the presidents go through their agenda and pop some pills in the Oval Office. Then we serve breakfast on the terrace in the Rose Garden, while they sign some trivial documents and brag about state secrets.

During the day, our ‘Fantastic Four’ – that’s their alias – comment on the world news and play fetch the ball with their dogs. Every now and then, we invite locals for courtesy calls and handshaking.

Also, every president has been offered the help of an intern, but so far only Bill Clinton made use of this option.

The construction and maintenance of the retirement home is purely from public donations, therefore the facilities in the house are rather limited. As a result, all presidents have to share a bathroom, the pool and other common areas. The timetable for pool use has finally been agreed upon after years of diplomatic negotiations and is dictated by the current status quo of the democratic-republican presidential balance in the house.

Rumors say that if president Obama joins the community, the presidential pack will be renamed ‘Expendables’. A number of TV producers have already expressed vivid interest in launching a corresponding reality show with a work title “White House Reloaded: Frat edition”.