Peacekeepers to protect works of art from hillbillies

Gross negligence

Pisa, the popular touristic destination, has been shaken by a shocking incident today. After years of being pushed and kicked by numerous travellers for a trivial photo, the symbol of the city, its leaning tower, has been accidentally set straight by a fit British tourist. The appalled municipality has called it a ‘crime against humanity’ – the exact damage is currently being assessed.

It is not the first time that a landmark is ruined by a careless tourist. Italy in particular has already suffered from selfie-maniacs before: precious artworks in several Italian cities have been damaged in the last years, including the David statue and the Colosseum.

In its tragedy, Italy is joined by other sites of historic and cultural significance, such as Greece, Egypt, and Syria. The latter has witnessed the fall of several of its attractions – all a consequence of negligent selfie-taking by its young militant visitors, who have just recently discovered social media.

UNESCO, a specialised UN agency dealing with the preservation of the world’s educational, scientific and cultural heritage, has expressed serious concern with the current tendencies. A statement by a spokesperson of the organisation in a press-conference in Pisa was unequivocal:

This is outrageous! Italy has preserved its artistic treasures all throughout history – surviving the eruption of Vesuvius, the great Italian wars, and even the bunga bunga parties – all for these barbarians? We need to take action immediately!

And action is being taken: according to insider reports, UNESCO has brought forward a motion before the General Assembly demanding an expansion of the mandate for the UN Peacekeepers. Their new role should encompass protection of works of art against uncivilised civilians.

While the new art militia will not be equipped with weapons, use of force will be admissible. In their functions, the Peacekeepers shall be guided primarily by the interests of humanity as a whole – and may seize selfie-sticks and use them against perpetrators if need be.

Russia has already offered to send their troops or to help otherwise with their extensive expertise.